Unsolicited opinions are an epidemic.
This wouldn’t be wholly intolerable if it weren’t for the fact that most people’s ability to think seems to be approximately on par with a slightly above average dolphin. No disrespect to dolphins intended.
(I like to start off on an upbeat note. Sets the tone. Draws the reader in. I did that on porpoise. See what I did there? Porpoise…purpose…dolphins. That’s gold. This is going well.)
Whoever foolishly invented the internet only exacerbated the problem. Suddenly every girl who knows how to use the black and white setting on a digital camera thinks they are Annie Leibovitz, and worse, people now have a platform to publicly display their crazy ideas. They always had them but only the lucky few who could get on TV or in the newspaper could share them. This new reality is dangerous.
Now, has my opinion been solicited? No. No, I cannot say it has, and frankly I’m tired of waiting for all you people to realize that within the menagerie of uninformed opinions that make no sense and untrained people masquerading as professionals, I offer untrained, semi-informed opinions that occasionally make sense. Which given the current market means that my thoughts should be a hot commodity. Yet, to date, nobody has even vetted me.
I’m not bitter. Just confused.
So instead of waiting around any further for independent sources to seek out my services, I will once again attempt to carve out my piece of the unsolicited opinion pie. You might not have known that said pie existed, but it does.
And my piece is going to be the best piece. Like the one with extra filling and lots of whip cream, and your grandma saved it for you because you fell off your bike on your 6th birthday. Maybe I’m getting too specific. Listen, it doesn’t matter what kind of pie it is, or if your 6th birthday was as hellish an experience as mine. The point is it’s a pie, and I’m claiming a chunk of it, and I love pie. I hope you enjoy my pie as much as I do.