Hello, Ladies & Gentlemen. Welcome to my first “Sharks & Lamps” post. I will occasionally share unsolicited opinions on random things in sports, entertainment, history, theology, politics – life in general – that I think are either overrated or underrated. No real rhyme or reason. Just whatever is on my mind.
What do you mean the title confuses you? Sharks are so overrated as killing machines. There are more people killed every year by falling coconuts than by shark attacks. And what lamp really gets the appreciation it deserves, when you really stop and think about it? I really shouldn’t of had to explain this.
Overrated
Phil Jackson – Doesn’t winning a record ten NBA championships as a coach make you the greatest coach of all time? No. Just…no. The “Zen Master” sits eight wins from yet another title and I am nauseated* to hear him included in the same discussion as the great, Red Auerbach – simply because the legendary Celtics coach only racked up nine. Red smoked his victory cigars after building the Celtics dynasty from scratch. He implemented his strategy with skill, precision, and a prescient recognition of talent. In the process, He changed the way basketball teams were run.
Of course I’m not saying that Jackson isn’t a capable coach, but look what he had to work with. He coached Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, and Shaq in their primes! Is “triangle offense” anything more than code for “give the ball to MJ.” You could plug in any hobo you pulled off a park bench – or even Mike Brown – and they would be bound to win a few rings with those players.
Great coach? Probably. Overrated? Absolutely.
Christopher Columbus – So what’s my offense with the man who supposedly discovered the new world? Well – jog my memory – what exactly did he “discover” again? Oh, you were thinking about that time he got lost, wandered around, landed in what he thought was India – and found other people already living there? Does this mean I can arrive at any place I’ve never been and call dibs on having discovered it?
GUY 1: Hey! I discovered Toledo!
GUY 2: Over 300,000 people live in Toledo…
GUY 1: Well I don’t know any of them and they look funny.
Columbus is GUY 1.
As if that’s not bad enough…
To this day we refer to Native-Americans as “Indians” because Columbus thought he was in India. Seriously? Our identification of an entire race of people is defined by Columbus not having a GPS? Had he seen a long, winding wall when he got there would he have called them Chinese?
How this guy got all the attention he has I will never know. Overrated doesn’t even describe it. I’m all worked up now.
Underrated
Events That Make You Hug Strangers – Thanks to Meghan Daly for pointing this out to me. Meghan went down to the Wachovia Center in Philadelphia to watch Game 7 of the Bruins/Flyers series on the jumbo-tron. (Why did I let myself get emotionally invested? Why did I do that to myself? Why? Anyway…) She described the unabashed frenzy of 20,000 people erupting as the go ahead goal was scored. Complete strangers were jumping on top of one another, high fiving , and – to use Meghan’s words – “intimately and joyfully hugging one another.”
Have you ever been to an event like this? The fun insanity is indescribable. I’ve only been to one…
Last year Jackie and I went to Game 1 of the Celtics/Magic playoff series in Boston. We lost the game, but there were about 15 minutes in the fourth quarter that were like nothing I’ve ever experienced.
Early in the third quarter the Green were down by almost 30. Hope had been abandoned – when they started inching back. 30 became 20, and people started high fiving. 20 became 12 and you started hugging your wife, your new found friends, and even the guy down the row with the wacky hat, covered with tattoos. When Ray Allen hit a three to cut the lead to 4 – the place exploded. A guy closely resembling Big Mike from American Idol immediately placed me in a bear-hug, lifted me off the ground, and blasted in my ear, “This is going to happen!!” People were draped over each other. You frantically scrambled for someone else to hug. I looked up at the 17 championship banners hanging from the rafters and they were actually swaying in the insanity. The man next to me threw his five year old son up in the air and shouted “I’m so glad I’m here with you!!” – his shouts barely audible over the rattling stadium.
Coming off an Orlando timeout Ray Allen took a 3 that would have cut it to 1. The ball sunk half way through the rim and then – in a torturous and gravity-defying twist – hopped back out. I still wonder if the building would have stayed on its foundations if that shot had gone down.
Yeah. Way underrated.
Tim McCarver’s Ability to Make Inane Comments – I’m not plowing new ground here. I’ve written about color-commentators and their groan-inducing ways. Mr. McCarver, however, still manages to make me cock my head to one side and say, “hmmm.”
During last Saturday’s Red Sox/Yankees game he offered this gem.
“When covering second to turn a double-play, players like to get the transfer throw at the letters. Because that’s where their arms are.”
…Sigh…
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* Footnote Tangent
Yes, People, it’s “nauseated” not “nauseous”! To be “nauseous” means that you cause or induce sickness, not that you are sick or feel sick to your stomach. I don’t care if some prominent Dictionaries have buckled under and submitted to common ignorance. So, to be clear, Phil Jackson makes me nauseated, not nauseous – though I must confess that, more than once, when someone has announced that they were nauseous, I have been sorely tempted to say, “I couldn’t agree more!”
Send your Overrated/Underrated ideas to adamshorey@enjoyinggrace.org.
Thoughts from a Basement Athlete 